This is the 500th post to Beer and Wine Journal, minus a couple time-sensitive posts that were deleted when they were no longer relevant. (I know you’re all interested the minutiae of how we counted we that.) Most of what is posted here is nuts and bolts homebrewing stuff, with the occasional food-related update. I’ve also published a very few opinion pieces. For the 500th post, I’m going to tell you what I believe. (Basically, I believe I’ll steal a comedy bit from Steve Martin.)
Back in the early 80s, Martin released a short film to go along with a routine he did entitled, “What I Believe.” It’s very funny. And since I believe things, too, I thought I’d write a homebrew version. So, grab a beer, put on some appalling “inspirational” music, and let me tell you . . . what . . . I . . . believe. (And don’t worry, I’ll post something useful next.)
What I Believe
by Chris Colby
I believe that homebrewing is the best damn hobby ever, except for people who can afford their own personal spacecraft.
I believe that your beer should make you happy. Don’t let anyone or anything dissuade you from brewing the beer you want.
I believe that relaxing, not worrying, and enjoying a homebrew is the best way . . . to produce mediocre homebrew. (I’m from the sweat every detail, they’re all important camp.)
I believe that you can’t have too many kinds of IPA. What? They invented another one? OK, now there’s officially too many types of IPA. You can have too much of a good thing.
I believe that Basic Brewing Radio is the best brewing podcast out there . . . because no other podcasts ever wants me as a guest.
I believe that witnessing the appearance of hot break in wort can be a religious experience.
I believe that pitching an adequate amount of yeast is what usually separates good homebrew from bad. Pitch an adequate amount of yeast and you solve almost all of your potential problems.
I believe that the Dixie Cup (the conference run by Houston Foam Rangers) is the finest homebrewing conference known to man, excepting those that run on some semblance of a schedule.
I believe you can be a beer writer in the US, without knowing anything about beer . . . or writing.
I believe the Cicerone program is the perfect solution, to a problem that doesn’t exist.
I believe that a flawless brewday is the happiest day of any brewer’s life.
I believe that they can take my mash paddle . . . when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!
I believe in picking a few beers you enjoy and brewing them over and over until you’ve perfected them.
I believe that if I spent 24 hours hanging out with Chris Soper, I would die. (I also believe in inside jokes.)
I believe the BJCP is a valuable tool . . . for people coping with the demise of the Dewey decimal system. (Hey, memorizing made up numbers just isn’t my thing. Numbers, without a mathematical basis in theory or measured by experimentation, are just opinions.)
I believe that adding more hops solves every problem . . . even mathematical problems like Fermat’s Last Theorem.
I believe that I should be able to get away with taking cheap shots at multiple people and organizations within homebrewing, but that people shouldn’t criticize me . . . because that would hurt my feelings.
I believe the Austin ZEALOTS (my homebrew club) will one day take over the world . . and by one day I mean next Thursday.
I believe in sniffing the airlock.
I believe that Beer and Wine Journal is the best damn homebrewing site on the web, except for those that are better . . . and I try to ignore those sites.
I believe Steve Martin has better things to do than sue me.
I believe I’ll have another homebrew.